Just for Today, what I learned in AA

Photo with my three daughters, c. 1999.

The early days in my journey to sobriety were not hard, but progress was still only one day at a time. What I mean by that is this: it didn’t bother me that my drinking days were over; I had more important things to do, like attempt to put my broken family back together again.

But I was also anxious to get some credit in the bank—to prove I could do this. (16 years later, I have nothing to prove to anyone apart from staying sober, which is to continue to add to the 5,851 days I have amassed thus far…)

My drinking ‘career’ lasted about 18 years—from 18 years to 36 years. Not all that time was my drinking problematic, but the last 10 involved most Friday and Saturday nights where I was affected by my intake. Occasionally it was Thursday nights and Sunday nights—more often later in the piece. Rarely did I drink on the other nights of the week.

I had a pattern to my drinking. I enjoyed 3-4 beers or a few glasses of wine before finishing on whisky. My drinking bouts of 12-15 standard drinks would last 4-6 hours typically and cigarettes and cigars were among the things I smoked. I hid it pretty well. One of the tasks of my job role when my life came crashing down was to breathalyse fuel tanker drivers as part of managing an alcohol and other drug program for a major oil distributor. Yes, talk about hypocrisy!

The day I learned that I’d been unsuccessful in gaining the national health, safety, security and environment manager’s role was the same day my then-wife ended our marriage of nearly 13 years. Battling influenza, seeking desperately to climb out of a tailspin, my very first night separated from my then-wife and daughters I went to my first AA meeting. It was September 23, 2003. Coolbellup was the location.

I didn’t drink or smoke marijuana to escape a life of pain. I did it purely for the pleasure of those experiences, and yet I can honestly say that there is no greater pleasure than being sober and straight of mind. I learned to enjoy sobriety. Such freedom to be of one’s right mind. But it just takes a journey to get there. It takes a commitment, once for all time, to depart from one life and to enter another kind of living. Having been sober just over two weeks, at the worst time of our lives, I promised my mother I would never drink again on October 9, 2003. It was the kind of promise that you don’t go back on.

In the early days of going to AA five and six nights a week, I learned a lot about taking life one day at a time; sometimes an hour at a time. The Twelve-Step program helped no end! It reshaped my focus completely. Several other members I knew split their days into mornings, afternoons and evenings—three periods whereby a ‘successful day’ was when their head hit the pillow and they had done one more day sober. Sometimes through gritted teeth, phone calls, determination, the sweats. I was blessed in that I never missed it, but I was also still so very early on in my journey, and to relapse was a Y.E.T. (You’re Eligible [for relapse] Too) for me. I learned early on that AA was full of pithy sayings and acronyms and strategies all designed to get you through the arduous moments of temptation.

Just for today, I learned in AA. Later I connected it with the biblical principle of Matthew 6:25-34; that anything may be overcome, and self-control optimised, and anxiety reduced, when we focus on the day, the present moment, at hand, and most importantly, put God first.

A lot of this is keeping the mind disciplined to what’s within one’s direct control and simply surrendering the rest. Yet, surrender must be learned. It is never natural to admit defeat when it comes to the uncontrollable.

I don’t know why you feel you need to live your life one day at a time. It could be to overcome an addiction, manage anxiety or depression, resolve conflict or grief, or it could be about capitalising on an opportunity.

Know this though. Each day comes but one at a time. It’s not only all we have, it’s also all we’re expected to manage. It’s all we can manage. Attempt to manage more than that and our lives can quickly become unmanageable. Yet, focus on living life one day at a time and suddenly the wisdom of humility, in all its elegant simplicity, becomes the way we do life.

Whenever we want to achieve anything—whenever we NEED to achieve something, sometimes what will keep us alive or give us hope—we are helped by living life one day at a time.