Surprises you can’t afford to discover in that surprise new date

So, perhaps you’ve met a new guy online, or perhaps it’s a daughter or a younger female friend who has. Only later do you discover he’s got a problem with online porn. It turns out that he’s been ingesting all sorts of abusive imagery, including how to do violence to women. He may not consider himself violent but watch out.

It’s the men who have casually watched violence who no longer consider violent acts violence that really need to be quarantined.

Would you give him permission to engage in intimate acts with you and you don’t know the full extent of what he’s been into?

What about his most recent past? None of which he may be transparent about. If you know that you know that you know he’s not into porn, all may be okay, but most people would be shocked to find out how prevalent pornography addiction is these days. And it’s not just the fact it’s porn, for all the problems at the surface that it causes. And, for another “and,” it is remarkably common to find out nasty surprises far too late—not unusually at the 12-24 month mark!

It’s the acts of abuse that are normalised and eroticised. The things that get the man intrigued and stimulated, where he may not be able to say no; where he would once have said, “No, that’s crossing a line,” but now he says, “This is okay.”

Of particular concern is the causing of intentional pain to women, even choking, which, though seemingly very incredible, is also something that authorities are now more than well aware of. This is a happening thing.

There are always surprises that you can’t afford to discover in a surprise new date. Like anything, if he seems too good to be true, you guessed it, no only could it be too good to be true, it could be such a nightmare that you would wish it were a lie.

Imagine a relationship you can’t get out of or can’t easily extract yourself from. Or, one where he’s so possessive he thinks he owns you. These are not fantasies, they’re scary realities for far too many women.

Photo by Jonathan J. Castellon on Unsplash