The safety you need to feel, to be real, to ultimately heal

I have had so many of these kinds of conversations, where people who have an innate passion and purpose to serve others and to flourish cannot do so until they are safe.  Suddenly, however, at some point in time, a light goes on within them as they determine their life is worth more than what they put up with, as they reconcile a dream yet to be fulfilled and they sense now is their time to move.  Do you know what I mean?

Do you know what I mean when I say, “people cannot prosper until they are safe?”  Really what I’m saying, is where there’s significant input of force or manipulation or control, there is no safety to be able to explore those things of life that our hearts are calling us to.  Indeed, I would go so far as to say that whilst we are in unsafe situations, we don’t even connect with the trauma we need to heal in the first place.  We aren’t even conscious of the full extent of it.  We may think we are, but it’s not until we get out of that unsafe situation that we really realise just how much we have compromised in our accommodating of the person (or people) who has/have been manipulating us, for their gain.  Suddenly in seeing it, in the fullness of the glory of a truth that can no longer be denied, we are inspired to act right there and then.  Even as we remain in a deathly and oppressive place, the light of hope beckons as the door of anticipation widens.

GOING BACKWARDS AS A VENTURE FORWARDS

Once we are out of the unsafe situation, being drawn out of it through a passion that fills our heart with purpose, only when we are safe do we begin to take an inventory of the stock of damage that has occurred.  We quickly reconcile that we have a journey ahead of us in doing this.  We don’t despise this work most of the time, because we believe in the passage of our purpose, but at times we do resent that we need to go backwards first in order then to go forwards.  But going backwards is redemptive, and it is important to remember this.  This backwards-forwards-backwards process is very normal, and though it is frustrating from time to time, we need to continue to believe that we are on the right path.

We cannot prosper until we have healed,
and we cannot heal until we can be real,
and we cannot be real until we can feel.

GOING FORWARDS AS A VENTURE BACKWARDS

HAVING MADE THOSE INITIAL GAINS IN GOING BACKWARD, IN PREPARING THE WAY BEFORE LAUNCHING FORWARD, PARADOXICALLY WE HAVE ALREADY MADE GAINS IN GOING FORWARD BY GOING BACKWARD.  THAT MAY SOUND CONFUSING, BUT WHAT I’M REALLY SAYING IS, GOING BACKWARD IS NOT A BACKWARD STEP AT ALL.

Going backwards is inevitably a key step forward.

Having made the preparations for a forward-looking life, by having removed ourselves from that unsafe situation, we are finally in a position where we might make some of the gains we thought we might make.

Again, we may be surprised how much backwards work we need to do.  And whilst it is different for every different person — for some it takes years, others much less — not that we should despise our journey for being longer than another’s — we want not to judge ourselves for the time and effort that it takes to recover from the damage done.

The important thing that we need to recognise is that we are safe now, and that really the only victory that is relevant has been won.  We are forgiven for wanting more, but really the biggest victory is being safe.

When the rubber hits the road, when the gravity of our personal situation suddenly becomes super apparent, we begin to make plans to live life alone or in another context entirely in preference to living life with others who make us feel unsafe or less-than we ought to be.  Such moments of clarity, though they expedite an ending, herald a fresh beginning with which we can sow into.

It is a wonderful reality to walk into that sees us freed from the encumbrances that have otherwise held us back, particularly those that made us feel unsafe, controlled, less than we ought to feel.  Everyone has the right to grow into the fullness of who God made them to be.

Image by Marcus Spiske.