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TRIBEWORK is about consuming the process of life, the journey, together.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Getting Over the ‘Hump’

If you allow me to get to know you, I will inevitably hurt you. Sorry, but it’s a fact of life. God knows, and so will you, that I’m far from perfect.

Given this fact—if I know you—what are we (or more aptly, you) going to do about it?

Here’s the Rub

We’re all in the same position. We are all bound to hurt the people we know—and this on some pretty micro levels. I mean, anytime we disagree with each other there’s the potential for hurt. When we give way to the temptation to act on the hurt, we’re compromising the rapport as quickly as we’re looking at the other person.

Getting over the hurt involves forgiving the transgression—the way we felt at heart. It’s not truly the other person’s deal at all, beyond them being as considerate and respectful as any of us generally should be (which is an impossible thing to reliably quantify).

Only when we’ve forgiven the person—which is an acceptance of them, best ventured in the moment—can we get over this speed hump that is slowing down our rapport, before we can continue on to a higher plane of the relationship’s potential value to the both of us.

Relationships Get Stronger with ‘Met’ Conflict

This is a wonderful truth for all of us to embrace with a relatively constrained boldness.

When two mature people meet head on over their conflict—both with divergent views—and a mutual respect fills the void, a breathtakingly healthy tension is allowed to develop. This works for both, creating, eventually, an even stronger bond between them than before. Trust is fortified as future events of conflict are to be more assured due this tumultuous ground that’s already been covered; well handled.

Confidence in relationships like this is the defining moment of genuine friendship, marriage or any relationship with longevity in its sights. It involves not only the integrity of authenticity; it bridges gaps also in intimacy.

Looking Forward to the Hump

We’re meeting new people all the time. This is great, until we ‘meet’ difference. Suddenly we’re left feeling isolated and bemused by the other person.

It would be better for us to consider the potential for conflict every day and simply enjoy the difference in other people—getting less serious, troubled and potentially hurt about it. This, of course, isn’t easy. But it’s a start.

Also, it is wise for us to consider the conflicts that will happen and plan our graceful responses now so they’ll be more intuitive and hence more genuine, from the heart.

The moment we extend grace to another person—a person, mind you, who knows we’re in conflict with them—is the moment the light bulb of trusting love goes on for them toward us.

Not only that, but our relationship is now afforded an even better emotional and spiritual connection; the result is a better relationship, ultimately, with God.

© 2010 S. J. Wickham.


  1. That hump, you mention Steve is diversity with the new we meet as well as the old we are already tied to. And, it is with my heart that God softened that I can come gracefully forward to first identify that hump and second take actions to go over it. Even when I am not a fault in a situation, with God, I can come humbly and love that person and become more life Christ in the process (not in a doormat fashion).

  2. "When two mature people meet head on over their conflict—both with divergent views—and a mutual respect fills the void, a breathtakingly healthy tension is allowed to develop."
    My question is what happens when one immature person and one mature person meets?
    And when you say mature, so you mean spiritually or just all around?


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