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TRIBEWORK is about consuming the process of life, the journey, together.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Journeying Beyond Betrayal

Common to relationships and love is the portion of cursing in the matters of betrayal. We are not the only ones to have been betrayed! Indeed, it won’t be the last time it will occur, so let’s expect it when we least possibly expect it (if that’s possible).

The test of any relationship’s strength is how it wrangles with and survives conflict—the key question is, can it survive and possibly even thrive because of it?

The truth is so many relationships have!

The betrayal that polarised minds and tore intimacy apart was the very thing that proved the catalyst of commitment—to try to live apart or to have life this different way proved the worth of the relationship; that very conflict, when it was fairly and justly sorted, thrust before both the meaning in the relationship, even in the harsh light of day.

It Takes Two To Tango

Just as it was likely that two caused the initial ruction, and if not directly then indirectly, so too do two create the bridge that broaches the chasm.

All that is required for love to ensue is the faith-held promise, one to another, to a form that will prove as a two-pack epoxy in the sight of God, the Primer. Two it is that make a sticky mix that promises to harden beautifully into product, and it takes two to make the dance and song of life together come along. Few would argue, and sensibly so.

Commitment is the byword of hope for all relationships; and whilst it’s sometimes true that it takes two to break a relationship, it’s always true it takes two to make a relationship.

Betrayal Is No End In Itself

If we were to contend that the sin of betrayal were an end beyond fresh beginnings then we’d be telling God he got it wrong in the design, bringing, and begetting of salvation—that’s a Trinitarian blasphemy aimed at defrauding the Lord all ownership of redemption.

No, those that own the lay of the reconciliatory land are those that happen to be the protagonists—and no other. There is life after betrayal if they wish it so.

With all the emotive will and skill known to each one, they consider the merits of their unique situations and stake claims of life or peril, and all between.

Then There Is Trust

When all is said and done we come to the central caveat of trust—for the initial perpetrator; or the next one, or situation, arriving at our shores.

Trust is to the low tide of the relational coastline in terms of betrayal. Whenever the tide is out and betrayal goes up and trust goes down surely we must know that joy is, for a time, extinguished.

Our joy we can have back, and peace, when we do our internal work of bringing the tide in, by learning to trust again; perhaps neither the person nor the situation, maybe, but we learn what we can and resolve to trust again.

Journeying beyond betrayal is just that: learning what we can and learning to trust again. And in these things we’re healed.


There is a beautiful land well beyond the troubled shores of betrayal. This land is home to peace and joy and it embraces love, because it can trust; that is because it has done its internal work with God. Many relationships have great hope beyond betrayal but both partners need to be equally committed.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

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