People’s reactions are often opposite to what they’re actually feeling. We know this by our experience, perhaps where we pretended to be pleased in a certain situation, but within we were quietly seething. This is obvious to some; less obvious to others.
Some relationships we have feature inherent conflict—for no want of rhyme nor reason we know those we don’t get along with, but we have little idea—in most realities—why. We cannot climb inside their brains or feel with their hearts, and few human beings we develop enough intimacy with to truly understand.
The saying that ‘secrets are never told’ may be self-evident, but it has more bearing on our relationships than we ordinarily account for.
Appreciating What We Don’t Know
What might appear absurd is, without doubt, our challenge. We need to somehow appreciate what we don’t know, and will never know. Such an appreciation is the gift of an ever-opened mind.
Such an appreciation is also the constant cognitive clarification that ensures fewer assumptions are made, meaning less relational damage takes place.
Knowing that there are secrets about, that trust within certain relationships will be scant, helps us understand other people; it doesn’t hinder our relationships, because we understand the barriers to communication are common to human experience and can be explained person-to-person.
Appreciating what we don’t know is also appreciating we don’t need to know everything; indeed, we are saved from much senseless knowledge and many vexing pieces of information which would make life so horribly complex.
Trying Our Best To Expose Our Own Secrets In Safety
What may be the case in ordinary lives around us—the keeping of secrets by others regarding their real perceptions within our interactions—is no excuse for us, however.
It is a blessed situation for us to accept the fact that others carry their secrets, whilst ensuring we have trustworthy sounding boards to share our secrets with. This is an effective way of dealing with our problems and junk.
It is blessed because it features both acceptance for things we cannot change (regarding others) and courage to change the things we can (regarding ourselves). Only through doing both things, practicing acceptance and courage, can we grow in wisdom as far as our relationships are concerned.
Many secrets of life we cannot change, and we are blessed to accept they exist. Not assuming that the appearance of our relationships means much, we enter into relations with a healthy open mind. Others’ secrets we can do nothing about, but accept it’s a universal human practice to cherish personal privacy.
© 2011 S. J. Wickham.