God has been showing me, more and
more of late, that marriage is quintessentially teamwork. But teamwork is such
a broad concept we are easily lost in our conceptions of what that might entail,
especially where love, cohabitation, children and extended family are added to
the mix, often confusing the concept of marriage.
In short, the times I’ve found
myself in marital peril, arguing and unsatisfied and generally loathing the
arrangement, are the times when I’ve been selfish; when my worldview has been
me, myself, I. I get so glad when God reveals this folly to me. God has asked
me many times to rise up from within my situational lament to become a better
partner. I believe this is an underpinning request from the Lord to all who are
married.
***
Sometimes in marriage we get too
dependent, or, the other extreme, too independent.
In a team called marriage we are
called to become interdependent—a
discreet mix of both dependence and independence.
Interdependence is a good working
model to understand teamwork within marriage.
Interdependence in Marriage
When we get marriage right joy
exists, both partners are happy, there is room for humour, and differences are
appreciated, even celebrated—the team has diversity, spontaneity, openness
within it, mutuality, and the ability to share.
This vision of marriage, above, is
achieved when both partners are committed to interdependence. When both
partners realise the importance of working for their little team, every other
person dependent on that team wins.
Interdependence in marriage is
about taking responsibility for whatever
we can do to enhance the team. We don’t get bogged down by comparisons over
what he did or she does, or didn’t do. Comparisons are generally unhealthy and
take us into deep dissatisfaction.
When we can enjoy the work within marriage—the chores, the time spent, the
errands, the intimacy and passion invested, etc—all of it—we begin to understand the value of interdependence. We
understand we are making a contribution. We understand others are dependent on
us as we are on them. But we also understand the importance of independence so
far as responsibility is concerned. It is our responsibility to contribute,
independent of the quality and quantity of our partner’s contribution.
God delights us when we suddenly
realise we are able to contribute.
If we are a bright and joyful
partner, we encourage our partner to become the same, but this is never forced
or coerced. They are who they decide they are. We are blessed, most personally,
when we understand we have issued this freedom to them; to be entirely
themselves. And we can appreciate the many facets of our partners’
contributions. We begin to see their contributions more and more.
This, of course, is a faith task.
We sow in faith, with a desire for a healthy marriage, and we generally reap in
eventual joy, if we are married partners both
with potential.
***
Marriage is a team if there ever
was one. When good teamwork exists, those relying on the marriage have
generally happy lives. A good marriage is a nucleus from which all of life
therefore springs.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
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