We’ve all done it. We have all let
someone have a spray of our well-basted vitriol. And if there is a saint among
us who hasn’t, they sure have thought it. Angry outbursts we have both given
and received. What are we to conclude? Angry outbursts leave us feeling
embarrassed, confused, and avoidant for further interaction—whichever side we
are on.
But an angry outburst is just the
external manifestation where the stress pressure became too great. Many times
the target of the angry outburst was not the initial target. So many times
people blow their cool with those who afford them safety; those they love, for
instance.
The angry outburst is the
transference of a heart going wild within.
Many levels below what we are even
conscious of, frustrations build and topple us when we least expect them.
When We Are the Perpetrator
Seeking God’s forgiveness for when
we have blown our tops is just as important as our remorseful apologies are for
those who we got angry at. This is because we need to be able to forgive
ourselves. Self-forgiveness may be impossible without knowing God has
forgiveness us.
The good news is God has already forgiven us and so we can know
when we go cap in hand God will oblige us.
Of course, our apologies to the
person we have hurt must come complete with the assurance it won’t happen
again. It’s up to us, then, to learn and apply strategies for managing our
anger in these situations.
So there are at least two positive
things we can do: experience God’s forgiveness and know we have earned the
other person’s forgiveness because we won’t do it again.
Maybe nothing holds us better to
account than the fear of breaking such a promise.
When We Are On the Receiving End
Being on the receiving end is no
fun. Maybe we are hurt and humiliated, and maybe the person who has had the
outburst is nowhere in sight. If no reconciliation comes we are left in a
predicament. How do we process the fallout without an outlet for discussion?
Just as much of a challenge is
receiving the transgressor in grace. Being able to look them in the eye
requires both courage and compassion. They may be either very embarrassed or
defiantly indignant. If they are embarrassed the outburst is easier for us to
forgive. If they feel justified in their outburst, however, forgiving them
increases in magnitude of difficulty.
But if we want our peace to return
we let go of the matter.
We understand it occurred and we
acknowledge it. But because we cannot do anything about it we let it go. And
even if we could do something about it, we let it go because we can.
***
Angry outbursts that follow with
embarrassment for a lack of control can and should be quickly amended by
gracious forgiveness.
There is always room for
forgiveness if we are interested in peace. Peace is worth the price forgiveness
demands.
And if it’s not about peace for
them, it’s about peace for us, personally. Why should another person’s angry
outburst continue to upset us?
Most of all we can move on and
grow despite the outburst, especially if both parties agree. Putting such
things behind us, where we can, is a great blessing to all parties.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
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