“Most people do not listen with the intent to
understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
—Stephen Covey
“When people talk, listen completely. Most
people never listen.”
—Ernest Hemingway
Although our culture is much more
at home in a talking role than in the listening role, the focus of this article
is more about the reasons why we should
listen. If we understand why we should listen perhaps we might listen more
intently more often.
The difference we can make to one
life when we listen is substantial.
People are so used to not being
listened to, to being told, to being misunderstood, they never expect to be
listened to. When we are genuinely interested in another person enough to
listen to them we show them we love them.
Times When Listening Makes a Big
Difference
We just never know when listening
to someone will make a big difference. This is because most people walk around psychologically
as closed books, especially when they are struggling.
How are we to create intimacy
without listening?
In a world where care and concern
seem scant we can rise above the selfish majority who just wish to be heard.
When we sacrifice our words, silencing ourselves enough to open space for
another, we show a character quality so rare.
To listen is to love.
Most people are deprived of an ear
devoted to them. And there are always a percentage of us that find ourselves so
desperate to be heard we sink into depression. It’s like there is a
conditioning that occurs that is damaging to the soul because it is, over and
again, not heard. When we see our world as uncaring we lose hope.
If we could imagine everybody that
we come across as perhaps susceptible to depressive thoughts and periods we
might have compassion enough to listen.
If we can imagine others as needy to
be heard as we are it helps us make the sacrifice.
Making the Covenant to Listen
We won’t become better listeners
unless we make a covenant to God to improve in this area. Unless we make a
covenant to listen more intently we are unlikely to make the transition.
We should ask God for an extra
portion of compassion and for opportunities to simply listen, and for divine
reminders in the moment of our listening to listen for the right reasons.
We want to get inside this other
person’s mind and soul and feel as they feel.
There is, of course, a great
reciprocal blessing available to the listener. God alone is the one providing
that blessing. To listen intently is an act of faith. Faith pleases God and our
listening is repaid in ways we can’t grasp now.
***
Kindness comes in the willingness
for one person to listen intently to another. Compassion finds its legs when we
listen attentively to another’s needs.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
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