Where there’s grief, there’s anger... (and sadness and fear)

A nation grieves.  Not a year goes past without some monstrous tragedy.  And there are all sorts of reactions.  

Anger!  Significant anger.  Yes, unbridled, white-hot, seething anger.  One corner of the community yelling at the other kind of anger.  It’s grief at the paralysing injustice of it all. 

And sadness.  So much sadness!  Perhaps better described as a sorrow that has no reconciliation.  

And then there’s the fear.  It was C.S. Lewis who showed us the paradoxical reality that in grief there is immense, confounding fear.

We see all of these in grief... and so much more... more emotions than there are words to describe them.

Grief brings out our inner more dormant anger.  It rages because it has to.  Especially in response to satanic violence that no feeling human being can deal with.  Unspeakable horrors.

But with the anger that rises seemingly out of nowhere, there’s such a cacophony of sorrow that the heart doesn’t know which way to turn.

And the fears.  Let’s not forget the fears.  How many women in dangerous relationships have been awoken to the reality of terrifying possibilities that emerge from the pit of hell itself?  What about the men who know they have the capacity for such terrors, but it freaks them out?  Or the men — and nobody wants to address this thought — who have the capacity to destroy lives they can no longer control?

More generally there’s our own grief (anger, sadness and fear) response.  Whether it’s a current issue or a loss from years ago that still causes great pain or it’s the case that a current issue triggers something from the past is irrelevant.  It’s all grief, and anger, sadness and fear (among many other unnameable emotions) are normal and part of the grief process.

It may not bring much comfort that these dark emotions are normal, but at least we know we’re human to feel them.  And we must feel them.  We feel them or we cease to be human.  A modicum of comfort may come when we recognise that our grief connects us with others in their grief.

It isn’t bad to be angry if you’re grieving, but it is important to achieve safe release.  It is horrible to feel sorrowful, but again, release is key, and this is why God created us with the capacity to shed tears.  And if we’re racked with fear, we’re best to share those fears with people who might comfort us and help us feel safe.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash