Not that I want to be the party pooper, but I do want to locate the elephant in the room.
It’s this: if I was to bet on the most disappointing day for many and even most lovers, including married people (sometimes one in the marriage, sometimes both), it’s Valentine’s Day.
And why would I say that?
How often do people in partnered relationships have unconscious expectations that they’ll be swept off their feet on this most special of lover’s days and aren’t? More often than you might think.
How many people end up silently slumped, crying on the shower floor? How many others are bewildered for something they got wrong and didn’t even foresee the mess they’d find themselves in? Many I suspect are in both camps.
How many, as a result of what happens or does not happen on Valentine’s Day, consider making a big relationship decision — not a positive one? It would not be uncommon.
What about the money spent on the beautiful Valentine’s present — with no thought spared in some cases — that for some explicable reason falls flat. One wonders, “What on earth do I need to do?” and the other thinks, “What on earth were they thinking?” Both are devastated.
And then there’s the Valentine’s Days where partners are separated by thousands of miles, or by some random spiritual crevice. It can be like two ships passing silently in the night, or perhaps it’s two lovers who could not be more in love, yet they miss each other like crazy! Both suffer grief for the distance that separates their bond.
Sure, there are many couples for which Valentine’s Day is beautiful and special; a gorgeous memory that can be recalled for many years to come. I recall my best Valentine’s. My wife left notes at two of my employers and just the way she did it showed how much thought she had put into it. It hardly cost anything, but her love spoke volumes to my words-of-affirmation heart.
Valentine’s Day works best, obviously, for the grateful couple — the couple who have realistic (or even low) expectations of each other. And what’s wrong with a consistent love that loves all year round?
Social media makes fools out of the lot of us. We get sucked into posting what our partners got us, without thinking of the people who missed out, or especially the people who end up in conflict because of it. Nobody wins. And realistically, how many people boast publicly yet are disappointed privately?
Besides Valentine’s Day being the most disappointing day for many people in a coupled relationship, it is decidedly a horrid day for those who are single, for those divorced, for widows and widowers, for those who have lost love or for those who’ve never been in love.
Special days are hard for more people than we realise. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are prominent examples. Christmas for separated fathers and mothers, for those whose access to their children has been curtailed. The list goes on and on.
If for some reason this Valentine’s Day is a forgettable (or worse, a lamentable) day for you, please take heart. You are not alone, and there are many for which days like Valentine’s Day can’t be over soon enough. Thinking these things doesn’t make you bad.
Perhaps the greatest opportunity we have on Valentine’s Day is to love a person who may otherwise be forgotten.
Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash
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