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TRIBEWORK is about consuming the process of life, the journey, together.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Spending Quality Time Together


Such a simple title for something seemingly so difficult nowadays. The importance and the amount of quality time spent can only be determined by the couple in question. But there is possibly no better indicator regarding the commitment toward intimacy of each partner to the other than the want, the desire, to be with the other.


Spending quality time together is a choice not only for present happiness, but for the future of the relationship, also, for in future such times will be recalled as pleasant memories.


Determining Needs


Quality time, within the structure of the Love Languages, is that innate desire to connect with people, in this case our partners, in ways that involves spending significant time together.


The issues of significant time are many and varied; for some this is about being together a lot of the time, whilst others want to make something significant of their time together. Either way, determining needs as a couple is critical.


The needs of each partner can be discerned by the other in a discussion date, which is any ordinary date of mutual choice, spent out of the hustle and bustle of everyday life, with a set objective of discussing questions like:


þ How do we enjoy spending time with each other?


þ What does quality time together look like?


þ What things would we like to explore together?


þ What memories would we like to reflect on in the future regarding time spent together now?


Making Time


Most often one person in the relationship has higher quality time needs than the other and, therefore, those needs may go unmet. It would be rare for both partners to share an equal love, or need, of quality time. One will desire it more than the other. But both need to make time for it.


In a crazy life, where there is more than enough to do, and so much dilution of quality-anything, it is increasingly difficult to achieve a focused thing such as quality time. But it’s not impossible if we’re resolute and make this the most important thing for the relationship—if that’s what this relationship needs.


Making time is about being disciplined regarding decision-making. Making time is also about exploring new habits and breaking old ones regarding how we spend time.


***


Time is the currency of commitment and, when it’s spent together, it suggests a high price is worthy of intimacy.


Relationships develop in the seedbed of quality time spent together, where intimacy can flourish, which speaks volumes for commitment. We best determine mutual needs then make the time.


© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

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