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TRIBEWORK is about consuming the process of life, the journey, together.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

When Love Just Isn’t Enough



For all the relationships that are good, partners working harmoniously and cooperatively together, there are other relationships that struggle against insurmountable odds; and it may only be love that holds them together. Such is the power of love.


Then, for some, there is the realisation, at a poignant time in the relationship, where one partner sees the end coming. Usually they keep such a revelation to themselves. It may be too stark; too terrible even to contemplate. But such a revelation continues to bear itself over the coming days, weeks, and months (and in many cases longer).


Then comes a moment of true reason; life must now change.


The Pain Of Change For Both Parties


This moment of true reason, where a decision is made from within the soul, beyond even the will to want it the other way, is both liberating yet terminating; the concept for freedom beckons, but a gargantuan wall of pain stands right before them.


This is the pain of a relationship tearing itself apart, together with its collateral damage, and only one knows about it, just now. The other party, who is perhaps seen as the innocent one, will feel monstrously betrayed as the news is revealed to them—the relationship is over.


And whilst the pain of betrayal is unconscionably incomparable, there is confusion and feelings of guilt felt by the partner making this break; they know they must go this way, with their heart, despite the guilt they feel for feeling so good.


When A Difficult Journey Has Only Begun


Ending a relationship, one that has been years in the developing, is no easy matter. For the years that have gone into it, there are potentially months or years of creating, or re-making, a new way.


It may be fortuitous (or heartrending, later) for those breaking their relationships that such thoughts don’t often fill their thinking—the depth of hard emotional work ahead. Otherwise they may work harder on the relationship. Yet, many relationships may need to break, if they are characterised by ongoing or irreconcilable abuse or neglect.


When a difficult journey has only just begun much support, and much faith, is required. Both parties will need to be hedged-in with love to get them through.


Compassion For The Other Party


Against the flow of any breakup is the need, however ironical it seems, for each party to the severance to have compassion for the other, particularly the party instituting the breakup. This might seem nonsensical, but the innocent party has had no time to grieve, whereas the perpetrator of such a conflict has done their grieving already.


Compassion in cases of relationship breakdown may be almost completely unheard of; it is an investment, though, in the darkness of feuding. Later, months and years down the track, such an investment of compassion will reap its own reward—both parties’ healing, individually and as an extinguished entity, will be augmented.


***


Sometimes love is downright confusing; whilst we may love someone, we cannot still—for matters of abuse or neglect—remain in the relationship. Ending something like this requires much thought, and compassion, for the other partner. Whilst some grief may be well-developed, some others’ is only just now about to start.


© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

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