A ‘faith’ used to turn people away from God

Jesus talks in a few places in Scripture about the unforgivable sin, a.k.a. blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. Interestingly, he also uses imagery of a ton-heavy millstone tied to the neck of one guilty of such sin, dragging them all the way to the bottom of the sea—where they would remain. Are these concepts connected? I think they are.

I read a quote recently that got me thinking: “Once faith has been used to eviscerate, it doesn’t serve well as a healing balm.” (Christa Brown, lawyer, survivor, advocate)

Even as a disclaimer to what comes below, if you haven’t experienced abuse at the hand of a leader that brought your faith to apostasy, then you may not have experienced what would place you in a position to judge.

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Society is littered with corpses of those who tried ‘faith’ and were either tossed out, sexually abused, hunted down, evangelised into submission, taught wrong, vilified, controlled, gaslit, neglected (another form of abuse), or burned at the stake; amongst myriad form of spiritual abuse.

There are many I know personally who either won’t have a bar of faith, or they turned their experiences into advocacy for right and true faith having been shafted. The latter were fortunate. It would be wrong to call them more mature. The former were victims of circumstance. It is all too easy to victimise the former for abandoning ‘faith’, while counting the latter heroes for what they overcame. But that’s our human nature isn’t it; to pigeonhole people. And we all love identifying our heroes and villains.

So many have been scarred by what men and women of power did for their own ego’s sake. Some might think that ‘evisceration’ is an overstatement, but you only need to be on the other end of abuse, and you know how it can turn your life upside down, just like it feels like your insides are being pulled out. Yes, evisceration indeed.

God is for humankind just as humankind was made for God. In a perfect world we would be perfectly in love with God. But the enemy of God works as hard as possible to separate our affection from God and to tell us lies about God’s affection towards us. “Does God REALLY love you?” The truth is, yes, our Lord loves us more than we could never know!

And then humanity gets in the way.

We have charismatic leaders who are in it for their own gain—whether they know it or not. They are hireling shepherds who care not to for the sheep of the pasture, but for the wham and glam of a ministry unto their own prestige, comfort and control. They exist to lift those they choose to favour into positions where they might cavort with a more nuanced sense of control—so they’re impenetrably protected; where power and control looks more like the image of charismatic leadership; where they are the hero, safe as can be, to devour the sheep according to the discretion of their appetite.

Such a leadership never sets forth as the goal the other person’s healing as its own end; though they may use that very concept (“this is for your own good” i.e. growth) as a form of control, justifying abuse. There is always a conditionality about the love and the leadership on display. It never takes on a genuinely servant hearted nature; and cannot depend on allowing God to be in control, which takes constant humility. In our humanity we need to get clear out of the way and let God be God in terms of other people.

Of course, people can stink the stench a mile off, but usually as a case in retrospect which can recoil as an intense betrayal when it sneaks up on the person, as covert abuse usually does. We usually see it years after. And many are they who never see it, and, in trying to bring ‘peace’, without knowing it they take delighting in gaslighting.

Anyone who’s both been a manager and been honest recognises the tremendous temptation of control. It is the manager’s prerogative to control, but the best managers don’t control the processes they manage in controlling ways. Yet, I know all too well as a manager myself I’ve fallen straight into the trap of exercising too much control; all I could do was admit it and repent of it, consequentially apologising to those I’m managing. It was my lack of trust, my insecurity, my fear, my ego; none of it theirs.

Leadership is a great tester of character and it finds us all wanting. Only those who admit this are worthy leaders in my view. There are no hero leaders, just servants willing to give those that look to them what they need to succeed. We desperately need to stop revering our leaders—biblically (Acts 3:12; 10:26) we’re just people! And this includes ‘great preachers’. Revere the God who gifted some to communicate in compelling ways.

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Let’s finish where we started. Any of us pastors and ministers of any kind who have turned people off the faith for any reason have serious cause for reflection. Have we committed the unforgivable sin? I would never go that far. But when a pastor or leader sticks to their digs when a person has been driven out, or feels abandoned, or feel they cannot return, or the pastor or leader cannot and will not reflect over their own contribution to an impasse, that is a reprehensible situation. The response to the abuse—the cover-up—is far more telling than the initial abuse.

As pastors and leaders, we have far more control over the relationships around us than we realise, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. Good because we have responsibility and are empowered to lead redemptively. Bad because we have the potential to exercise control. We, first of all, must exhibit true fruit of the Spirit, which is patience, humility, gentleness and self-control. (The legalist will pick me up on my utterance of humility as fruit of the Spirit.)

Even as I write this there is an ugliness inside me, for the triggers that are now part of me, for the effects of abuse that I have endured.

How can people possibly come back to a ‘faith’ that once burned them? This is perhaps why such a dire punishment awaits those who lead the impressionable astray. Heaven forbid that those mature in the faith would be cast to the dogs. But it’s those who are least equipped—children, the poor, the disabled, etc—who are quickest disrespected. These are the ones we’re to care most about. The more vulnerable the person, the more the fear of the Lord should instill in us the weight of the law of love.

While there is always hope for some healing, those traumatised by spiritual abuse take a long time to heal, and it’s a complex and rocky process. Those they love learn that patience is best, especially when the survivor of abuse is triggered. They need care not condemnation. They need understanding not criticism.