What happens when you hear a knock at the door, and wondering who it is, you open it in expectation, only to find someone selling you something; the worst kind for so many… someone selling you religion.
A friend was relaying to me a story that happened for them at their home. They are a young family. They work hard and do their best in bringing their family up. They are nice people, always friendly, and would do anything to bless anybody. In many ways, such normal people. But as we see so often, it is the normal unassuming person who wouldn’t hurt a fly, who is vulnerable and intruded upon by the one peddling wares, with ‘holy’ intent, who does so at the threshold of the family home, knowing their message is likely not to be welcomed.
The scenario just sounds so normal. A family is inside their home, minding their own business, as families very often tend to do, and a knock is heard at the door.
Let’s imagine it’s a Sunday, but it could be any day of the week. The kids race to the door wondering who it is, and a parent is quick to chase them down and ensure it’s safe to open the door.
The door is opened, and two people stand on the other side of the doorway, both immaculately dressed. Until they start speaking, the parent doesn’t know for sure who these people are and who or what they represent. It is soon discovered they are religious callers. That is not always a bad thing. We need to determine what they have to offer. They may be bearing gifts. The trouble is, and this happens so often, the religious caller believes to the bottom of their heart that they have the most precious gift to give.
What the family received, however, was anything but a blessing.
The parent was kind in their approach to the visitors, but politely declined any further discussion, which is an expected response. Religious callers, and all salespeople for that matter, understand that rejection is a normal phenomenon. It comes with the territory. Most people are very nice about it, and even those who are not nice are breaking no law so long as they don’t inflict assault.
When the parents opted not to take the magazine that was offered, the person talking to them wondered if they knew that a fiery eternal damnation awaited those who reject the message. At least one of the parent’s children was there as a witness to the discussion—old enough to understand the words said, yet young enough to be confused and worried. This troubled the parent. The interaction at the door was later brought up in family discourse to an extent that the parent grew concerned. Not an angry concern, just a what-to-do concern.
When the parent raised this with me, knowing I’m a person of faith, the first words that came to mind were ‘spiritual abuse’.
Now let’s get this right: a person knocks at someone else’s door, so therefore they are on another person’s property, and they are there at that doorway with a specific purpose in mind that could well be hostile from the viewpoint of the householder being visited upon.
They know that there is a good chance that the householder will not share their beliefs, yet they are convinced that they must share their message; even to the point that sharing their belief, they feel, is a supreme act of love. It is their belief that anyone who does not believe is going to hell, and they love others that much, they are prepared to say it.
There is a massive problem, however, in that by saying this very thing, stranger to stranger, with no shared context, and certainly no evidence of God leading the conversation, when the religious caller utters the words, “you must believe before you die or you are destined for the eternal fire,” especially with children listening in, spiritual abuse is performed.
It does not matter whether it is theologically correct or not. Even if we were to assume a correct basis for saying such words, to say such things with children as onlookers is abuse. It is an abuse of someone impressionable, and therefore vulnerable. It is an abuse of territory—where is ownership of the property respected? It is also an abuse of the family, given that no parent wants their children to see them pushed around, and potentially in conflict with someone else, on their own property.
This kind of behaviour is a reminder to us all about how tenuous our interactions are around spirituality. It is safe to assume, and so sad to realise, that any of us can spiritually abuse anyone. Whenever we get pushy about our beliefs, relationships suffer and abuse is quickly apparent.
So, what do we do when a religious caller arrives on our doorstep?
Well, as the parent in question said, it is good to be kind and to offer peace. But if we know where the conversation is going, the fewer words we allow them to say the better. We can be kind and at the same time, direct.
“Hello, no thank you very much, I hope you have a good day!”
Photo by Anthony Rampersad on Unsplash
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