The people we fear, if only we could draw near

Some people I know I have removed from my life. Sure, some were toxic, but there are many more others who aren’t, who are probably good people, who have done me no wrong, but my concern is in their allegiance; they chose a side that I am not on.

And, of course, this reveals in me a weakness that I must face; I am often not the man you might think I am. I’m weaker than that. I’m less trustworthy than that. I’m nowhere near as impressive as the impression that you might have of me. I might present as a counsellor, a pastor, a chaplain, a peacemaker, but I’m not that good. I fear some people as much as anyone. I’m not friends with everyone universally. There are some people I choose to avoid. I so wish it weren’t so.

There are individuals who I fear. Believe it or not, it’s not just one or two. It would be like a dozen or two or three dozen. All fellow Christians. There are pockets of people who I should consider friends, but, because of our shared history, and because of what I think ‘went down’, it feels as if they don’t trust me, and because that is what it is, I don’t trust them.

And yet I do not know for sure in many of these instances if these people are against me or not. They don’t appear for me, so my mind does the math that my heart feels. I sorely would like to know, but fear keeps me from going to them, and revealing my fear for fear that I would be rejected again, even if previous ‘rejections’ are fanciful. They might say, “It’s all in your imagination,” but the fact they might say that doesn’t build any sense of confidence in me. It would be better for them to say, “So sorry you’ve feared me; let’s do something about it.”

Is it just me? Are there other people who feel the same why as me? Are there are other people who feel excluded from a set? Are there others who feel like they don’t fit? Are there other people quietly and not-so-quietly conspiring against you? Or, is it just me?

What we all need is a room that we enter, and whilst there, after having ingested some kind of love-and-truth solution, we might commit to speaking the truth to one another in loving ways, and to deal with the fear once and for all. This could mean calling the hurt for what it is and leaving our power—whether it be knowledge or position or capacity for coercion—in the room behind us, to become equals again.

We need some way of becoming human with each other again. We need some way to live as equals. We need enough love in our hearts to just stop the judging and to start the listening. It’s been too long now that we have been apart, warring spirit against spirit, disagreeing to the point of derisive division.

Can’t we just get together, agree to disagree, respect each other’s right to hold a different view, appreciate that there are myriad worldviews (all but one not ours), and rather insist on getting along, respecting one another for the humanity that we bear, and simply share in the uniqueness of being alive at the same time?

Can’t we just do that? Can’t we just stop fighting with one another? Can’t we stop running away from or avoiding each other? Can’t we just stop insisting upon our own way? Can’t we vouch for another person’s rights rather than our own? Can’t we just look at each other and smile? Can’t we just coexist in freedom without fearing each other? Can’t we just live freely? Or is that asking too much?

I’m leaving it at that. Lord, bring us together in the oneness of unity, humbling the proud, and exalting the humble. AMEN.

Photo by Katherine Chase on Unsplash