Manifesto for men in ministry – don’t bend power for gain

This has been brewing for a while. This is not against men, and I am not against men, because I believe the best about men, just as I want men to believe the best about me. This is something we all wish for and deserve. We need far more encouragement in life than criticism, so I hope you won’t see this as criticism, but as a necessary challenge.

The minister man—the pastor, priest, counsellor, chaplain, youth worker, missionary—has usually such a unique role that there is power imputed in such a role. Sure, there are women pastors, counsellors, missionaries and youth workers, etc, but the dynamic I discuss below rarely applies, because there is usually more sacrificed by women obtaining ministry roles. When I say that the male minister has a unique role, I mean that most minister men are seen as charismatic, gifted, special, indeed, and this can be argued, powerful. I don’t see many women ministers who project power in this way. But male ministers very often have an allure about them. I recognise this in my own ministry.

It is too easy for people of all ages, genders, and roles to see the work that I do as special, especially when I work with many women and children. And I have come to realise that when people see me as special there is an added danger for these people, in that, in putting me on a pedestal, very often unconsciously, they become vulnerable if I am tempted to abuse my power. (I’m so thankful that I’m patently aware that God sees everything!)

We’ve all heard stories recently of vulnerable people being abused by someone who had responsibility to protect the relationship from abuse. The most obvious cases involve sexual abuse, and the worst kinds sexual abuse of minors who are particularly vulnerable. But there are many adults who are just as vulnerable! Many adults, because of the past abuses they suffered, are just as vulnerable as any child. Past traumas have taught a freeze response, and these people are ever at the mercy of predators.

Whenever we have human beings interacting with one another where there are power imbalances, with the manipulation of boundaries, we have abuse. Wherever a charming male pastor or youth worker or counsellor comes to interact with young women, the situation is ripe for attractions to occur, and it’s the male pastor or youth worker or counsellor—the one with the power role—who is responsible for ensuring that would-be attractions are not capitalised on. The mere presence of the attraction should be the surest indicator that vulnerability is borne; it should be a siren of warning. And it should go without saying that children and other men are vulnerable to being abused, too.

Male ministers must be honest. They must acknowledge that there are dozens if not potentially hundreds of people they will interact with over their ministry that will either be attracted to them or that they will be attracted to. They must be prepared to understand what their hearts will desire, just as they must be prepared to understand the desires in others. These desires must be understood because we’re working with people in such close quarters and we’re dealing with quite intimate things. Trust is required for these relationships to work, but just as the Kingdom is built on trust, trust can destroy the work of God and lives when it warps into manipulation. What we are actually doing in ministry is potentially treacherous work, and far too often this has become the tragic reality, as #MeToo and #ChurchToo attest.

As men and women, we must acknowledge that it is always a temptation to be flattered by compliments. The rapport that sets up an affair starts from engagements of kindness and sensitivity. But we must always remember that sexual and other inappropriate encounters, within the power imbalance that ministry sets up, always transcends the term ‘affair’.

The male minister must set for his own boundary—in the sight of God as his witness—that even any encroachment of thought into anything abusive, including sexual abuse, is nothing less than detestable. It is abhorrent. It is evil, just as the evil one is bent on coercing our hearts to this end. But it is not Satan’s fault when we fall for the travesty of committing abuse. We alone would be to blame. We, alone, must be prepared to accept the consequences of our actions. The fullest portion of repentance is required, and that will usually mean we cannot minister again.

Whether it is women or children or other men, the point is inconsequential; we’re not in ministry, men, to damage others, but to build the Kingdom of God. This is a world full of temptation, and yet we do not enter this ministry without knowing two things: 1) we are called, and that God will sustain us by the moment if we’re faithful, and, 2) we are ever as vulnerable as anyone is to abusing people. We are protected from harm as long as we acknowledge, front-of-mind, that we can harm people. Implicit in our service is faithfulness. We must be honest, men. We must acknowledge how our hearts are wired. We must accept that we are tempted like any man is. And from such an acceptance, entwined with the attitude of detestability for abuse, there is a sharp desire to ever hold oneself to account, and to be held to regular account. We do this ministry before the sight of God! Will God turn a blind eye if we harm people? No way!

We’re not to bend our power for any gain whatsoever. Our role is to see and to acknowledge vulnerability in others, and to cherish that as normal, whilst being honest about our own vulnerabilities, all the while being prepared to model purity within brokenness in our own hearts and behaviour.

This article is not about putting men before women, as if all ministers are to be men. It’s simply about acknowledging the abuses of power that seem to run much more commonly in men than they do in women. Why then wouldn’t we have more women ministers? But this article, I hope you can see, is not about that. It’s about getting ministry men to be honest about how easily their hearts may be tempted to abuse people, women, children, and other men, through using power inappropriately.

Photo by Mervyn Chan on Unsplash