It takes courage to be honest about sadness and fear

Just as much a message for anyone, this is certainly a message to men, many of whom seem conditioned not to feel, because it seems it’s wussy to feel. Nothing could be further from the actual truth.

This is a generational tragedy that’s so woven into the fabric of our psychology, no amount of convincing brings today’s man any closer to the truth, and many women are conditioned this way too.

It seems we would rather project the image that we’re strong by being angry than project the image we’re “weak” by being sad or fearful. Yet, most anger is simply a veneer for a deeper, underlying sadness or fear.

It takes great courage to be honest about what makes us sad and fearful.

In a discussion with young people about addiction and homelessness recently, there was a view that very much felt that loud and angry drunken homeless people only had themselves to blame.

I challenged that thinking. “What’s going on deeper down inside someone who is driven to drink themselves into oblivion? Isn’t it pain? What trauma do these people bear? What have they suffered, and what do they continue to suffer? What about the anger? Do you think there is any joy in them when they’re cursing the world?”

Silence… I encouraged empathy. “What must they be feeling being drunk and angry all the time? Is it ever a good thing to feel so far out of control?”

Adverse negative emotions are worth exploration, given that at their core there is more fear and sadness lying underneath than embittering anger and resentment.

For men particularly, but also for women, we need to become more intuitively connected to the sorrow and dread our hearts feel, which we will quickly convert to anger toward and condemnation of others.

If only we could have the situational awareness that what’s driving our negative behaviours was sorrow or dread or a combination of these.

If only we had the courage to be real about how we feel. We can, surely.

Healing is close when we’re honest enough to feel what is real.

Isn’t it time we challenged the stereotype and became strong and courageous to the degree that we are true about how we feel?

When we’re courageous enough to bear our primary emotions, we stand on the clearer path of healing and recovery. There is nothing to fear in feeling our dread and sorrow. In bearing one’s pain, there is hope of healing.

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Unsplash