Don’t take the blame just because they don’t feel guilty

Many are the tricks for young players in this life, and those who would enable a narcissist get taken for a ride every time.  Don’t feel bad.  It should be a compliment to any of us that we get taken on a wild goose chase by someone who has no compunction for manipulative thinking and immoral behaviour.

Narcissists only care about their effect on others to the point that they’re getting what they want, so it is an incredible manipulation that they appear highly principled.  They have mastered the ability to match the appearance of high principles with getting exactly what they want.

A root cause of the dilemma we face in relating with a narcissist is, because they never feel guilty and they never take responsibility (unless it suits them by elevation of their image), we will always feel our heart strings pulled toward giving them what they want.  In this case, it’s taking on the guilt that they alone should acquire.

The narcissistic personality feels entitled to do as they damn well please.  The absence of guilt can project that what they’re doing is okay.  The trouble is we sense that what is happening is not okay, and because we have scruples, we’re tempted to make up the moral shortfall, take the blame, take responsibility for fixing the issues, and finally, to keep the narcissist happy.

If fixing things so we feel better involves us absorbing the guilt, we’re enabling the narcissist.  See how the more we do, the less they have to do, and the greater allure there is for them to keep us close, because they have us under perfect control?

Being in a relationship with a narcissist is like being under a spell.  They exploit their lack of guilt when our compassion kicks in.  They see our compassion as a weakness.  They lack compassion and can therefore almost entirely remain in control — nothing has their heart strings.

I have seen narcissists absolutely exploit their made-up feelings so they could get their way.  There is no guilt, so when the wrong thing is done, someone must fill the breach.  They know that if they don’t pick up ‘the tab’, you will.

As empathic partners we’re tempted to enable narcissists, so whenever we do feel like we’re enabling them, we should see what’s going on.