“It is easier to forgive an enemy than to
forgive a friend.”
—William Blake (1757–1857)
Trust; to trust or not trust; to
believe someone we’ve trusted who has betrayed us—our confidence, our mutual
understanding, our relationship.
These are some of the worst
moments of our lives.
Human relationships are synonymous
for miscommunication, yet it takes a moral
miscommunication to cause the true upsets. It’s when it seems people
deliberately transgress us that we are thrown into convolutions of bitterness
because of the betrayal.
“How could so-and-so do such a
thing?”
Not many of us will leap to
logical explanations in the bristling moment. But with an hour or two or a day
we have better perspective. Or we don’t—sometimes we replay the betrayal over
and over again. And bitterness kindles and builds, as it begins to burn inside
of us.
If there is sustaining mutual
respect within our closest relationships a quick meeting of the hearts and
minds ensues and trust and intimacy are actually grown through the conflict. But this takes two people in mature
mindsets, and with similar high desires of the relationship, to achieve it.
The Implications of Forgiveness and
Non-Forgiveness
When we forgive we afford our
relationships the opportunity of a fresh start and even heightened trust,
respect, and intimacy. We are 50% of the solution. Most academic examinations
have 50% as the pass mark. 50% is not a bad start. Furthermore, we have
absolute control over that 50% of the relational input. It’s a big say over the
output.
But when we refuse to
forgive—because we are also 50% of the problem—not only is the relationship
destined to sputter and stall, we hurt ourselves. God has made love in a way
that when we refuse to love we hurt most ourselves. This is why it’s by far
better to forgive even if the other party won’t. By forgiving we have relieved
ourselves, to most extents, of the inner turmoil that bitterness produces.
We find God doing wonderful things
in our hearts regarding this relational situation as the days unfold. And we
may find their bitterness consuming them. God will ask us to pray for them, and
as we pray we find ourselves praying truly
for their release—for their release, not ours.
The implications of forgiveness
are vast. We are blessed spiritually as our minds are freed and our hearts are
healed. And though forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean trust, we begin to be
more open to trust, if it’s deserved, because our hearts have been mended, and
we feel strong enough to love again.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
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