Why is it that we often treat
total strangers better than family or acquaintances that God has put there for
us to love?
Some people value their friends
much more than their family, even when their links with family are never to be
undone. Some rightfully choose friends over family because family has done them
irreparably wrong, but some people do still choose their friends over very good
family relations. We might wonder why. We might also die wondering.
Then there are the acquaintances
we find ourselves linked with—through our churches, workplaces, and pastimes.
In what can be likened to sandpaper ministry, very often we feel betrayed by an
event upon which we’re not forgiven. And being very fallible human beings we’re
bound to disappoint people; such a pity when these things may not be
reconciled.
Clearly the closer we are to some people
the more we push them away. The closer we are, the harder it is for them to
tolerate us.
Understanding How Judgmental And
Unforgiving Natures
Not that it is acceptable by any
means, but there are features about our humanity we cannot deny. When we’re
truthful we understand how judgmental and unforgiving we can be; how we
struggle, innately, with both. We understand, in these frames of mind, a little
more why people may struggle to tolerate us.
But it still hurts.
When we continue to come into
contact with people and we continue to face their rejection—or vice versa,
because we’re so apt at rejecting people, too—we can begin to lose faith in the
closer-by humanity. We may begin to distance ourselves. We may begin to invest
in pastimes instead of relationships.
Now, this is when the value of
‘non-judgmental’ friends comes into play. Whilst they promise, by their
omission, to keep the relationship light and superficial, as we will, there’s
no threat. But, there’s also no growth and no real love.
Sometimes we don’t want to have to
do the hard work in relationships. We don’t want to expose ourselves to hurt
and, therefore, have to work on matters of forgiveness. We can avoid it. But,
there’s no growth and no real love there, either.
Families and close friends, and
very much it’s about acquaintances, too, will place us in situations where
being hurt and having to forgive are necessary. These are transactions of real
love.
There is the character of a
certain person who cannot be bothered with such realities. Such a person will
prefer their shallow and superficial relationships; they may be more selfish at
heart than they can reconcile.
***
Relationships require us to be
courageous. Where we’re not fearful of being hurt, and of having to forgive,
we’re able to nurture closer relationships with family and tolerable, enduring relationships
with our acquaintances. Where there is love there is growth, and where there is
growth there is joy.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
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