Why is it that others can evoke
our passion, or spark our attraction, or incite us to rage? Just why do we seem
so insistent in our reacting or in choosing our reaction?
Perhaps others reflect what we
consciously resist, to some extent, yet also that which unconsciously resonates
within us—at the polar extremes of our emotions.
Yet, we’re not so much the victim
of our reactions. Negative others are not so much there to taunt us as they are
there to reveal something about us that we ought to know about ourselves.
Other people are as mirrors before
us. They are merely that—purposed as instruments for our learning.
‘Mirror, Mirror On The Wall’
There is much about life that
resembles the fable, Snow White. The ways we instinctually respond reveals both
our humanity, generally, and our personality, specifically.
We could ask the mirror ‘who is
the fairest of them all’, but the truth is, we, like the wicked witch, will ask
the mirrors within our lives such leading and rhetorical questions by our
responses. Our responses are the mirror’s responses.
If we see someone as aggressive
toward us, they may well be. But what is it that the aggressor reveals to us
through our response—our timidity, our own aggression, or our ambivalence
regarding their aggression? Our responses tell us, like the mirror, what our
nature is like. This we should not deny. No one makes us respond.
***
How you
treat me,
And how I find
I react,
Both of
these have meaning,
If I can see how my thinking’s
backed.
***
Analysing Our Conflicts
If we, just for a few moments, can
surmise that the people we have conflict with unintentionally draw out our
worst sides, we have found two strong positives in dealing with that conflict.
Firstly, we might understand more
about our instinctive responses and adjust accordingly. Secondly, whilst we’re
thinking, we don’t react. The process of thinking halts us. The biggest problem
we have in conflict is reacting. Reactions without thought push us quickly into
the cavernous lands of regret.
We have much more to learn about
our instances of conflict than we do about our harmonious relationships. The
harmonious relationships we can enjoy. Those we have conflict with we are bound
to learn more from, even if only by our response, and the thoughts and feelings
we experience.
***
The people we’re quickly into
conflict with are not there to taunt us, but to teach us—if we’ll observe about
ourselves our responses. This will reveal the things we don’t like about
ourselves. When we begin to enquire—‘why’—we not only learn to get on better,
but we learn to resolve the things within us that we cannot stand.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
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