“Sometimes
it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.”
~Adele, Someone Like You
Love, by emotion, is the most
powerful thing on the planet. It brings us joys unheralded, but pain so
unrivalled death seems easier. To those hurt by love, nothing can touch the pain
in the immediacy of the loss.
Love consumes us. It requires all
we have, and sometimes more, and it pushes our existence through to thoughts
for extinction. For love to wield such power seems unfair when we are betwixt
for the rationale to continue.
But love, also, sees us through.
It compels us to hold on for the next time; even in the grips of grief we have
an unconscious hope that our fortunes will turn, eventually.
The Commonality And Depths Of Loss From
Love
Love and loss are two unlikely
companions. They cavort together, taking us through the range of experience—the
majestic highs with the calamitous lows. And perhaps both extremes of
experience are comparatively rare, yet they always promise and threaten. The
majestic highs promise. The calamitous lows threaten.
The depths of loss from love are
common to our humanity, which must love to survive. Romantic aspirations are
both the making and breaking of us. We love because we cannot help it. We risk
because we must love. Anything less is untenable, and yes, possibly even
unacceptable.
For all we stand to gain from love
we inevitably stand to lose just as much. Yet, the promise compels us to risk
what threatens us. Love is a holy dichotomy. It is a contemptible yet alluring
mystery.
How are we to deal with the losses
that engage us when love is lost?
When Love Is Lost
Sometimes love lasts and sometimes
it hurts; ultimately, we have to be prepared for love to end. We may be
forgiven for thinking love may remain as it is—interminably. And then there is
love that’s lost and never again reclaimed. We may remain hopeful, and all the
better for us if we can.
When love is lost we can expect
the pain to etch deeply into our inner core. The process of grief is fully
engaged. Our drive is quenched. We experience death, not of our mortal bodies,
but of our souls. As we live and breathe, death is what subsumes us.
But when love is lost we stand at
the cusp of learning. We never want to learn this way. But learn we will if we
remain remotely open. A broader, wider, deeper version of us is developed
through the suffering.
***
Nothing hurts so much as love
lost. Over the jealous expense of grief we are scarred for a time. Love has
consumed us and we are lost without it. But we remain hopeful that love will
come again, and that hope compels us to survive, to learn, and to adapt to the
new situation.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
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