Particularly in group settings,
but also in families, and one-on-one with our partners, we find this phenomenon
of both taking responsibility for
others and transferring our responsibility to others. We’re overly responsible, some of us, in some
situations, and we’re less than accountable, some of us, in other situations.
Balancing Responsibility
Possibly the greatest task of
social maturity is balancing the acceptance of responsibility. When we accept responsibility
only for that which we’re personally responsible, and yet are still available
to help others, but not rescue them, we attain the right social balance.
In attaining the right social
balance, allowing others to step up to the plate, to own their portions of
responsibility for their successes and failures, we’re a blessing.
We’re a blessing because we’re
being fair on others and allowing them to learn, by not pitying them. We’re
also a blessing when we receive the full force of consequence, in being
responsible, for the things we’ve done. When we adopt this as a solemn rule in
our lives, we’re living fearlessly. Such an attitude and approach to life is
personified leadership, and it agrees with God, come what may.
Resisting Temptations To Assume
Responsibility
Sometimes we may rationalise that
it’s easier to assume someone else’s load of responsibility than to keep them
roundly accountable. We experience this a lot when we try to help people. We
can try too hard. Our generosity can be too impatient.
There are so many things that
other people do that we cannot control, even if we’re parents, managers in a
workplace, or counsellors or coaches. Everyone has a choice regarding their
attitudes and behaviours. We can never assume responsibility for someone else’s
feelings, thoughts or acts. Though madly, we try.
We may only assume responsibility
for our feelings, thoughts and acts.
Taking Responsibility
This may be the hardest of things for
most people—to accept responsibility
when things turn pear-shaped. Nobody likes discomfort or pain. And to accept
responsibility is to invite discomfort and pain. To take responsibility
requires courage. And most of us, most of the time, might fail in our
endeavours to be courageous.
Taking our responsibility, and
bearing the consequences by both reward and punishment, is the obedient life of
the mature. Truth is their guide.
***
We cannot control what other
people do and, therefore, we cannot take responsibility for others’ thoughts,
feelings, or actions. We can only control what we think, feel, or do. In an
adult world, only what we do are we responsible for.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
Graphic Credit: weavingthemoon.
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