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Monday, March 26, 2012

Being the Accepter Not the Rejecter

A basic requirement in the formation and maintenance of a human being is to feel accepted. Within our world, though, there are many more affirmations of rejection that threaten the balance we need in becoming and staying psychologically healthy.

As we reflect over our present lives, thinking about the different relationships we have, and the amount of those that affirm us as acceptable versus those where we find ourselves rejected, we might note an important correlation. We may have a lot of our self-worth attached to how others receive us.

And as we change our focus toward our acceptance and rejection of others we find our influence is actually more powerful than we think. Our actions and words speak loudly.

The Lack Of Care In Rejection

It might be surprising to become aware of the many subtle rejections we’re involved in, simply by reflecting over the numerous rejections we might, personally, be affected by. Not that others feel rejected the same way that we do, for we’re all different.

It’s not the things we get or don’t get from people that have us feeling rejected; it’s the motive behind their words and actions; it’s what’s hidden, generally, that’s the problem. This is easily illustrated in the maintenance of boundaries. We wouldn’t feel so rejected by somebody if they simply enforced a boundary; when they’re clear about it. When people are honest, and they care about how we receive the communication, there’s very little felt rejection. It’s because things have been explained.

We can afford to maintain safe boundaries, and retain our vital ownership, whenever we’re prepared to be authentic and loving. Maintaining boundaries in an authentic and loving sense converts the attribution of our behaviour from that of rejection to that of acceptance. We don’t have to feel guilty because they understand.

Being A Happy Accepter

We can’t be happy in our acceptance people if we’re submitting to them all the time; by way of giving them what they want every time. That would be transgressing our precious God-blessed boundaries.

But being an accepter of people, by way of our interaction, happily at ease, isn’t hard if we maintain safe carriage of our boundaries whilst committing to a courageous discharge of authenticity and care. Their psychological wellbeing is as important as ours is. When we believe this as a core value we have the capacity to be an accepter and not a rejecter. Our relationships blossom and trust is built.

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The biggest favour we can do for others is to accept them with unconditional authenticity and care. We achieve love when we do nothing else. We don’t need to give people the world; just to care enough to give them our true selves.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

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