What brought us together in the symphonic majesty of romance, possibly tears at us, later, as we consider how different our backgrounds had been. For all the similarities a husband and wife share there are bound to be many more dissimilarities.
Just as the similarities have drawn us together, our dissimilarities, if we’ll let them, can tear us apart. Engendering an uncommon respect for each other’s pasts is crucial if marriages are to blossom.
The Importance Of Time And Understanding
Possibly the biggest hurdle any relationship has is resolving what presents as irreconcilable differences. And many, by appearance, are those.
Appearance is the thing, for what presents as an irreconcilable difference has no potential as a barrier where partners to the relationship commit to an openness of consideration that respects the other, no matter what. This is obviously easier said than done. But at all times it’s possible.
And this merely elucidates the importance of time and understanding; the time required to augment the maturing of understanding. Time, this way, is the portent signifying the process—and it’s by process that we all learn and develop and grow. It all takes time.
Time facilitates understanding, as we, by the lengthening of our years together, deepen our appreciation of our mate. But time is not the only consideration, for many have been married decades and still haven’t grown as God may have desired them to grow.
The Honed Understanding
Whilst time together is a critical ingredient, nothing will bring us together like an understanding of our mate, and their uniqueness to themselves, us, and God. No one deserves more respect than our partners. They’ve chosen to live with us. They’ve committed to live through all our stuff. They may even be more committed to parts of us than we are to ourselves—certainly by way of holding us to account for our health, for instance.
Understanding can’t be underestimated as a vital human growth quality. Only the mature reach a sustainable understanding. And being that maturity is the noblest of all conquests, where we get to be more of ourselves than ever before, we have every reason to gain in understanding.
Any misunderstanding in marital arrangements is a sharp reminder of our individual or collective lack of maturity. For this lack we should pray, trusting the process of development as we surrender, continually, to God.
Truly appreciating the vast diversities of difference in our partners requires time and understanding. Each partner has work to do in gaining understanding so as to love better. Everybody’s pasts are important and integrally part of them and, therefore, part of the marriage. Everybody’s pasts must be respected.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.