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Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Why So Needy?

There are days like this: particularly needy days.

Needy days are those times when we reach out, in reflection too far, and in reflection we’re embarrassed and annoyed with ourselves about such overtures of glee, fancy, trying too hard, or nervous delight. As we look back we see how out of place our behaviour seemed; possibly only to us.

Our neediness may or may not be an issue for others, but it’s definitely an issue for ourselves; something we’ll want to address, even suppress. But suppressing something so close to what constitutes a soul weakness, an ever present personality struggle, won’t do us any favours.

No, we’re better for identifying our neediness, identifying with it, and doing whatever we can to address it—but we shouldn’t deny it.

Manifestations Of Neediness

My personal neediness comes out, predictably enough, in a written form most often; e-mails are a classic medium. And because I’m mildly extroverted I tend to share my feelings spontaneously, even more than I’m later comfortable with. It’s no good for me to despise myself for making the same mistakes; they’re minor mistakes in any event.

We all have a certain sense of neediness.

Manifestations of neediness come in myriad form, from trying extra hard to please a partner or peers at work, to analysing others’ behaviour in connection with our own, or to requiring recognition. None of this neediness is altogether unusual. It’s actually normal to want to please people when we can, understand others’ behaviour in connection with our own, and to desire healthy recognition. Neediness just takes things a little too far, revealing self-esteem issues for us. Yet, we all have our needy days.

Determining Our Pattern Of Neediness

We may be permissively needy if it’s only a day here or an hour there where our self-esteem reveals us as overly anxious within. Sure, we’d prefer never to feel this way. But the reality is we will all suffer some mode of needy feeling which translates into needy behaviour.

Determining the pattern and the frequency of our neediness is something we can become increasingly aware of. When we do pick ourselves up, hopefully quicker and quicker, we can begin to ask the question, why.

Why are we feeling so needy? That simple question, honestly enquired upon, can generate a world of learning that would empower us for a more secure future.


Neediness is no great crime, though it does cause us embarrassment and annoyance. Becoming less needy is a matter of awareness. We’re all needy persons deep inside. Better now to own those needs, and supply them in a healthy way.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

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