I was reminded recently of the masculine and feminine differences in love, specifically sex. It doesn’t require much imagination to fire-up most men, yet women need to feel loved in order to give themselves freely in their sexuality. Whilst the typical man’s key sexuality occurs genitally, a woman’s occurs in her heart and mind.
Love between the ears is the feminine metaphor for a much broader concept: the alignment between people and the communication of love; its successful endpoint. (At this point, it’s important to understand that love between the ears implies love at a heartfelt level; thinking informing feeling, as it occurs the other way also.)
Love As A Felt Transaction
We know love by the way we feel. We might have reflected over what’s taken place, having enjoyed pleasant sensations for the interest shown and the acceptance we’ve felt as a result. Such reflections have caused us cathartic feelings that prove addictive; never can we be loved too much.
The transaction of love is transformation within relationship.
It’s the point at which life becomes real in a thoroughly good way—the meaning for life becomes apparent.
Now, every felt transaction of love comes dependent on a thought—thinking gives us the construct to analyse and give meaning to the feelings of love. And why would we not reflect? We muse over those things that are thoroughly good. We allow ourselves that freedom because there’s no fear for rejection in observed acceptance. These are the situations we dream about. They’re what we live for—to think and feel these things.
The Focus Of Communicating Love
Love has to be, first and foremost, the matter of communication. If we stripped away the communicative value of love, what would we be left with? And as one person communicates their love (and acceptance) to us, or we with them, love finds its legs.
If this is true, that love is communicated, then love can be practiced best within the interactions between us and others, and, with self-love, between us and ourselves.
Not that we or they have to be expert communicators; that’s hardly the point. No, we just need to be authentic, open with ourselves and other people, unafraid of love both in the giving and receiving. But that’s often hard enough. Indeed, it’ll take all our courage to do this, and many times we’ll fail. Failure’s not the point. Coming back to love—that’s the point.
Love is a communicated reality. It occurs as a transaction between two parties—us with others, even us with ourselves. When we receive loving communication we feel good. When we give loving communication we possibly feel even better. Love is the language of acceptance against worlds of rejection.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.