Strong personalities are hardly
challenged—because they are hard to challenge. We must confront ourselves to
confront the other person. It’s because we are gentler of spirit, perhaps; they
seem bold, maybe too bold.
And still we will wonder why the
stronger personality gets away with what they do. Why do they do it? Why
doesn’t someone challenge their audacious quest for and arrangement of power?
Some are enigmatic, seemingly
prepared for the remotest of verbal tussle. Others are brilliantly charismatic,
getting away with blue murder. Others, again, blow in an out of the lives they
confront. Some, finally, stay too long, encumbering us immensely, and to the
point of fatigue or, worse, despair.
There is certainly a stench of narcissism
in these, even as there is little doubt we all share in our personal waft of
mirror-gazing self-interest.
Containing Ourselves In Poise
We grapple as much as our minds
will allow. Our goal in dealing with a strong personality is to gently, though
insistently, hold our established ground.
Our process, then, must deal with
confrontation. How are we to harmonise the feeling of being confronted? This is
not about the other person as much as it’s about us.
They don’t make us feel a certain way. We are the ones authorising our
feeling, through what we think. Because we have control over our thinking, and,
therefore over our feeling, we have personal power. Knowledge of our personal
power may be an advantage others don’t have.
This is a rich possession we have
hold of. And how will we use it? How are we to arrange our responses? How do we
want to reflect over this interaction later? How do we plan to feel after?
Once we have identified our path
of response—which isn’t to be limited by our typical responses—we simply enrol
ourselves to courage to make the imagined scenario of interaction a reality.
Courage is our relational ally.
And we watch as our assertiveness rises to the challenge.
The Courage To Act Consciously
It takes courage to do what we
know is right. But faced with the moment we can just as easily shrink, their
power for the moment overcoming us.
Coping with a strong personality
is not about competition; they will insist on winning the competition. We must
deal in a different way. When we have the courage to hold our own, including
resisting the need to compete, we play an unpredictable game.
Stronger personalities don’t
reckon on assertive responses; they generally encounter competition or
submission.
When we have the courage to act
consciously, and in obedience with what is right, quelling our reactions of
emotion just enough to do what we need to do, we can manage these situations.
***
The strong personality is a
nemesis to many of us. They bully people. Dealing best with stronger
personalities is about simple assertiveness. Gently though firmly holding our
ground and containing our emotions are keys.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
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