In Australia, if children have a dad,
they spend on average just 6 minutes per day in his presence. This is not
quality time, just the quantity of time. So, reading books, playing and doing
homework together may receive very little or next-to-no attention. This is not
lost on mothers. They know, as society does, that father-figures can have an
instrumental role in the development of young people. Perhaps it is even sadder
that many mothers are also forced to compete in a rat-race world, simply to
feed hungry mouths, pay the bills, and keep a roof over the family’s heads.
It can be a rather depressing
reality; trying to balance the vital family time—the key investments for the
future of our children’s lives—with paying for these ‘privileges’.
The irony is quality time should
not be a privilege. It should be a human right. For, how is a young human being
to develop appropriately where there is insufficient love through the
investment of quality time? But this is the world we live in.
The simple thesis of this article
is time equals love.
This is a harsh reality for every
single one of us in the charge of bringing up children. And perhaps the growing
trend of grandparents taking a more active role is one that ought to be
welcomed, more and more. For, if the parent(s) are busy working for the family,
and, there is a loving extended family structure available to care for the children,
the children’s needs are catered for. They have loved ones willing and able to
input the time required for their development needs.
Time – The Key Commitment For Love
Time has always been an incredibly
valuable commodity. But, even more so, today it is ever more poignant when we
consider the financial pressures, the busyness of life, and many crowding
realities, including the constant barrage of new technologies. We cannot regulate
life as much as we used to be able to.
Now, one thing that hasn’t changed is the cost of, and
choice for, the time spent.
We, as always, have the choice
regarding our time. We pay a cost for the things we don’t do, and it is hoped
that the costs are minuscule if we are doing the important things. And our
values (our real values) will dictate
where our time goes.
Time, then, is a key indicator of what we love. What we pour our time into
is that which we love. If we love our work, we work long hours and our
commitment is unstinting; our purpose is derived from our work and from our
work we have meaning for life. If we love our families, certain sacrifices are
made to protect those vital hours required in the nurture of our families. And
more than that, we ensure we are psychologically
present within our family space.
Life gives us very many options,
but our choice must be wise. We cannot have it both ways. Of course, we know
this. And if we, like most people, have come to a point of needing to decide
what must give, hopefully it is our most important relationships that will
become the benefactors of the changes only
we can institute.
This is where commitment breaks
away from our wishes.
We can wish as much as we like,
but unless we are prepared to truly make the changes we need to make, nothing
will change.
***
Our families and our children
deserve our time. The fact is time equals love. And despite the pressures that
confound us, our love helps us to ensure we find the time.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
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