“I’m Sorry.”
***
Such
important words,
Words for
life,
When only
words,
Can redeem the strife.
***
There are many ways to say sorry.
Doing wrong is not the end of it. Saying sorry can be an important redemptive
beginning. It can open a pathway from the relational quagmire out into
relational space. There is a way back to trust through respect.
But the redemptive power of sorry
is limited regarding other people’s acceptance of what constitutes sorry. Sorry
becomes personally meaningful—we believe the apology, or our distrust is
heightened. Being sorry can heal, but just the same it can hurt if it makes
things worse or it isn’t accepted.
So, whilst being sorry is a way
back into the relationship, it can also mean rejection. Many times we are found
ill-prepared for such rejection.
Complications Of Sorry
It’s a skill in any relationship
to understand the needs for apology. Doubly then, we must translate these ideas
for redemption into action. Not everyone who knows they need to be sorry can
translate their emotion into the right sort of restitution. And what works for
one person, so far as restitution is concerned, doesn’t work for another.
Apologising can be a rather fickle
art. But nothing beats genuineness. When we are genuinely sorry we find ways
back into most people’s hearts.
What can be a sad reality for so
many people is, whilst they understand that they did wrong, they have limited
ways of coming back. Sometimes the other party won’t let them back. Sometimes
no correspondence will be entered into. Or the imagination or motivation to
compel the apology may be vacant. We cannot fake sorry.
But, sorry ought to always be the
way back, through redemption, to the equalisation of the relationship. Sorry
frees up love.
The skill is brought to life in
the ability to discern the moment’s need and particularly the person’s style
who we are apologising to.
Sorry – A Dialect Of Love
How can sorry be better
communicated than via the heartiest discernment of love?
When we are motivated by love in
our quest to apologise—and to make better an undesirable situation however we
can—we hardly have a self-conscious moment. Our apologetic words and deeds are
uninhibited.
When we give of ourselves, without
thought for self-protection, with the central interest being for the
relationship, the other person can unconsciously know of our love. Our good
intent is somehow felt.
***
With love and genuineness our
apologies restore peace. Damaged relationships can be helped when we resist
protecting ourselves and give of ourselves in humble grace. Humble admissions
of mistakes and a desire to make amends are wondrous for relational healing.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
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